Reel by Kennedy Ryan | I Was Not Ready for Canon Holt

I am trying to put into words how I feel about this book.

The prologue flashback alone sets the tone. Canon at age 20, caring for his mother during her illness while discovering his love of film and photography through her. Neevah at age 18, experiencing the betrayal that changed the entire trajectory of her life.

Neevah Saint was on the brink of turning down a full scholarship to the drama program at Rutgers University to remain in her small North Carolina town to marry her high school sweetheart and fiancé Brandon. After discovering Brandon impregnated her older sister Terry, she accepts the scholarship, pursues acting and doesn’t look back. She remains estranged from her family, including her mother, who she feels chose her sister over her in their conflict.

After graduating, Neevah moves to New York to work as an actress before landing a role as a Broadway understudy.

Enter Canon Holt. World renowned film director. Recovering from the fallout of his scandalous affair with lead actress Camille Hensley, who was vindictive after their breakup, resulting in him getting fired and one of his best works being destroyed. He is also carrying the weight of watching his mother battle chronic illness and eventually lose that battle. His mother was the catalyst for his artistry. Her life and death impacted him profoundly and shaped how he loves and values the people closest to him. He is arrogant AF but extremely focused on his craft and bringing to life the story of Harlem Renaissance musician Dessi Blue.

For six months he has been searching for his lead actress when his friend, musician and composer Monk encourages him to attend a Broadway performance of Splendor, knowing Neevah would be stepping in for the lead that week. Monk knows Neevah from the acting/music scene. After the performance, Monk introduces Neevah and her best friend Takira to Canon, who had already decided after seeing her take the stage that SHE is his Dessi Blue. He doesn’t care that she’s an unknown or that her background is in theater. While the studio wants him to audition Camille for the part (as if), he is determined that Neevah will be the star of his biopic or no one will.

He has also decided that as attracted as he is to her, he will not permit himself to get involved with her because he refuses to repeat the Camille situation. Neevah, while annoyed with his arrogance and moodiness, finds him extremely attractive and is nervous in his presence. So much so that when he calls to have her read for the part, she assumes he is calling to ask her out.

Neevah and Takira both move to Los Angeles where Neevah is the lead actress in Dessi Blue and Takira works as hair and makeup stylist on set. Their friendship and sisterhood is a stark contrast to Neevah’s now nonexistent relationship with Terry.

What follows is the professional and romantic involvement Neevah has with Canon while she also battles a serious health crisis, discovering she has discoid lupus. While not systemic lupus, the form that took her aunt’s life, her condition is serious, affecting her hair and skin. The set is intense which further aggravates her condition.

When Neevah and Canon finally give into their desires? OMG. The chemistry is unmatched. The shift in him is visible to everyone. He becomes a much softer version of himself and while they try to keep things under wraps, those closest to them sense it right away. But once Camille finds out? She makes it her business to make sure their relationship gets thrown into the spotlight out of spite.

The book does an amazing job highlighting the power dynamics between Canon and the studio, his wingmen Evan and Monk telling him to avoid Neevah at all costs, and that burning desire they have to be with one another. The parallels between Canon dealing with his mother’s illness and now Neevah’s once she is hospitalized are so touching. He will stop at nothing to ensure her safety, family be damned. And when it is discovered that Neevah needs a kidney and Terry may be the only viable match? That adds another layer of fire to this story. His mother once told him she wanted him to find someone to love more than his art. The moment it clicks that Neevah is that someone? Just wow.

My absolute favorite scene is when Terry comes to the hospital after discovering Neevah needs a kidney and begins bickering with her. Baby hear me when I say Canon WAS NOT having it! I know my reviews constantly talk about men not playin about their woman…. but this one here? Yeah, he was ready to go to war about Neevah and ANYBODY could get it!

All in all this was such a great read. So very tender and warm. I LOVED the chemistry between these two, even though I initially thought it would be Neevah and Monk. This was very well written and a love story that wasn’t easy but was definitely real.

TW: chronic illness, family betrayal, infidelity, lupus

Rating: Standing ovation. 👏🏾